Be the Protagonist of Your Own Life: Lessons from Queen Esther

You’re not a supporting character in someone else’s story. You’re the lead. In one defining moment, Queen Esther figures that out. Here’s how you can too. (New Article on Aish.com)

Have you ever felt that life is happening to you? Decisions are being made around you, circumstances are pulling you in directions you didn’t choose, and somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling like the main character of your own story.

The tale of Purim’s Queen Esther captures this feeling with surprising precision. For most of the story, Esther is acted upon. She’s forced to leave her home, forced to marry the king, forced to hide who she really is just to survive. She is submissive, careful, and concealed, until one question changes everything.

Mordechai says to her: “Who knows if you were placed in this position for just this moment?”

In that instant, Esther realizes she has a choice. She can wait for life to unfold around her, or she can step forward.

She chooses to step forward and the whole story shifts.

Her experience is a mirror for your own. You are meant to live with agency and purpose, to be the leading character of your life.

Here are six ways to step into that starring role.

1. You’re the Author of Your Story

Narrative identity research shows that people who understand their lives as stories with a reconstructed past, perceived present, and imagined future experience greater resilience and, in turn, positive mental wellbeing.1

Esther begins in obscurity, then reaches a moment of profound inner transformation. When she reframes her situation, not as something happening to her but as something she can act upon, she discovers her agency.

Your life, too, is unfolding. You are allowed to reinterpret your past and transform your next chapter.

2. Choose Your Next Step Even When the Options Feel Limited

Even small choices build empowerment. One tiny action can shift your internal narrative.

Esther’s options were painfully constrained. She couldn’t control the king, the politics, or the threat to her people. But she could choose her next step, and the Scroll of Esther says:

“I will go to the king… and if I perish, I perish.”

That single act of agency transforms her from passive to active, from hidden to seen, from hesitant to courageous.

Being the leading character doesn’t mean you can control everything. It means doing what you can, choosing your next step, and not letting your life simply happen.

3. Embrace Your Unique Role

Esther wasn’t the most powerful person in the kingdom. She wasn’t a prophet or a soldier. But she was the only one who could do her part.

Her background, her position, and her particular talents placed her exactly where she needed to be.

Judaism teaches that your journey matters. Your strengths, your struggles, your relationships, your history, they’re all part of the role that is uniquely yours.

4. Let Your Challenges Become Catalysts, Not Conclusions

Every meaningful life includes obstacles.

Esther’s challenge to confront Haman in front of the king could have been an ending point. Too dangerous, too risky, too difficult, too much. Instead, it became a turning point.

Psychology echoes this: people who frame their difficulties as part of their own growth process cope better and recover more quickly.2

Your challenges are not the end of your story. They are catalysts that help you move in the right direction.

5. Treat Yourself with Compassion

Research on self-compassion shows that people who respond to their own pain with kindness and see their mistakes as part of a larger shared narrative are more resilient and more motivated to achieve their goals.3

Esther’s story is often told as heroic but it is also deeply human. She hesitates, she doubts, she cries, she seeks support. She asks others to fast with her and she doesn’t shame herself for her fear. Instead, she pushes through it.

Jewish wisdom teaches that the way we treat ourselves shapes our own journey. Esther models self-compassion: courage without self-criticism, strength through connection.

6. Surround Yourself with the Right Supporting Cast

No one stands alone. Esther has Mordechai. He challenges her, believes in her, and reminds her of her unique purpose.

Resilience is not an individual trait but something built through our relationships with others.4 We cope better, think more reflectively, and act more courageously when we are supported by people who care for us.

Supporting roles matter. Choose people who help you rise to your challenges, not retreat from them.

Stepping Into the Role You Were Meant to Play

Being the protagonist of your life isn’t about being in the spotlight. It’s about showing up with reflection, courage, and self-compassion. It’s about recognizing that you were placed in this moment, with your gifts and your challenges, for a reason.

You just need to take the next small, brave step.

And like Queen Esther, you may find that the moment you step forward, your story begins to shift into something extraordinary.

References

Gutman, L. M. (2025). Resilience: Bouncing Forward with Jewish Wisdom and Psychological Science. Available on Amazon.

Ramasubramanian, M., Patel, D., Turner, M. R., & Ybarra, V. (2022). The influence of life narrative themes on resilience and life outcomes. Personality and Individual Differences, 185, 111235.

Burnette, J. L., Knouse, L. E., Vavra, D. T., O’Boyle, E., & Brooks, M. A. (2020). Growth mindsets and psychological distress: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 77, 101816.

Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual review of psychology, 74(1), 193-218.

Reflections from the GHI Conference

In early December, I had the privilege of attending the GHI Mental Health Conference, where my book was showcased. What began as a professional opportunity turned into a profoundly meaningful and intellectually engaging experience.

The conference was filled with purposeful moments: encounters with new and old friends, thought-provoking sessions, and even unexpected family bonding. It seemed divinely orchestrated that my sister happened to be there at the same time and wanted to go to the conference with me. Between sessions, we found moments for sisterly connection, weaving together the professional and the relational (see picture below). That balance, between intellectual engagement and personal connection, became a theme of the entire trip.

✨ Pivotal Moments

Sasha Troufanov’s Testimony

The conference opened with Sasha Troufanov, a former hostage who endured 498 days in captivity. His words were unforgettable (paraphrased from my notes):

“Spirituality is something that cannot be taken away from you. Finding faith is what helped me to survive…The isolation was one of the most challenging parts…but being alone helped me to develop faith and my resilience. You are a new person; you can’t go back to the old you.”

Listening to him was both humbling and inspiring. He spoke of numbness upon release, of joy interwoven with sadness, and of the slow process of opening up again. His testimony reminded us that resilience is not about returning to who we were, but about embracing who we become.

For me, the most treasured moment of the trip was giving Sasha a copy of my book, telling him how much he is loved in London, and wishing him much bracha. It felt like a small gesture of solidarity, a bridge between his story and my research.  Another moment of hashgacha pratis: I quoted his fiancée, Sapir, in the new edition of Resilience as an example of positive reframing.  

A Reunion

Years ago, Ali Begoun and I had planned an online talk for the first edition of my book, Resilience, but a snowstorm in Chicago prevented it from happening.  Life carried us in different directions, and she eventually made aliyah. Meeting her by chance at the conference was a full-circle moment. We laughed at the serendipity and marvelled at how paths cross in unexpected ways.

The Mind-Body Connection

The most illuminating conference sessions explored how trauma manifests in the body. We learned about breathwork, visualization, micro-movements, and the role of micro-nutrients in healing.

A striking exercise asked us to identify one place on our bodies that felt comfortable. Many of us realized that our only “safe” spot was something as small as an earlobe or thumb. That revelation underscored how stress embeds itself physically, often unnoticed until we are asked to pay attention. It was a reminder that resilience is not only psychological but embodied – that healing requires attunement to the body as much as to the mind.

Sharing My Book

Throughout the conference, I spoke with attendees about resilience and spirituality. Many wanted to learn more about the role of spirituality in building our resilience — how our “spiritual DNA” can be harnessed to support wellbeing.  It affirmed for me that resilience is not just an academic concept but a spiritual tool, especially in times of uncertainty. People are searching for how to blend science and spirit, and it was fantastic to contribute to that dialogue. I sold every last copy of my book that I fit in my suitcase!

Closing Reflections

The GHI Conference was not just a conference; it was a convergence of resilience, spirituality, and connection. From Sasha’s testimony to embodied lessons of trauma, from serendipitous reunions to sisterly bonding, and from sharing my book to witnessing others’ journeys, the experience reminded me of the profound ways we grow when we come together.

Resilience is not a solitary pursuit; it is cultivated in community, nourished by spirituality, and strengthened through science and our shared stories. I left the conference not only with professional insights but with a renewed sense of purpose: to continue exploring how evidence-based strategies and spiritual wisdom can help us all navigate life’s challenges with strength and meaning.

When life sends a signal, listen closely

The Journey Behind the Second Edition of Resilience: Bouncing Forward with Jewish Wisdom and Psychological Science

Most of the time, life doesn’t offer clear instructions on how to proceed. Our next step is often hidden beneath layers of uncertainty, and we’re left wondering what to do, hoping for a sign.

This past spring, that’s exactly where I found myself with the first edition of my book Resilience. It had completely sold out, and I stood at a crossroads:

  • Should I reprint the first edition in hardback with my original publisher, Mosaica Press?
  • Republish the first edition in paperback on Amazon?
  • Or… update the book for 2025 as a second edition on Amazon—refresh the stories, simplify the structure, and make it more accessible?

The first option felt out of reach due to the expense.

With the third option, I knew that once I committed, I’d be all in. That’s how I operate: late nights, hyper focus, you know the drill.

So, I tested option two. I uploaded the original PDF to Amazon, but the formatting was off. That door closed quickly.

Then I reached out to the original publisher to reconsider the first option. And that’s when the signal came.

They told me that just that day, someone had contacted them asking to order 10 paperback copies. She was running a reading group at a women’s correctional facility and had found Resilience deeply helpful. But she could only bring paperback books into the facility.

That was my sign.

So, I chose option three. Over the summer, I rewrote much of the book. I added a new preface, fresh examples, a clearer structure, and more accessible language.

Resilience received a new cover and subtitle. I also included more of myself throughout the book, which felt a bit vulnerable(!), but my own journey now begins on page one.

I released the second edition one month ago, six months after my father’s passing.  I dedicated the book in his memory.

And then, the feedback began to arrive from the very women who inspired the second edition:

  • “You couldn’t have chosen a better book at this time. Maybe you’re a messenger.”
  • “Thank you for the book. It looks like a great book, and I’ve been praying every day for resilience for the past couple of weeks. We talked about it in our trauma class. It is a gift.”
  • “I am only on page 9 and I’m finding it insightful and a good read.”

I was told that one of the women blinked back tears as the group read through the book together.

I could have won a marathon and not felt more joy.

Then came the Amazon reviews, slow and steady. Here’s one that especially moved me:

“This book truly touched me. Dr. Leslie Gutman combines psychology and Jewish wisdom in a way that feels both timeless and completely relevant. Her approach to resilience isn’t about ‘bouncing back’—it’s about growing stronger and wiser through life’s challenges. The reflections and exercises helped me see my own struggles differently and reminded me of the power of faith, gratitude, and community. I read the whole book in one sitting; it was that good, but I’ll be going back over it more slowly to truly internalise its messages. A beautiful, uplifting guide for anyone seeking strength and meaning through the prism of Jewish thinking.”

Sometimes life whispers. Sometimes it shouts.

This time, God handed me a message, and I thankfully listened.

If you or someone you care about is navigating life’s challenges and seeking strength, clarity, and spiritual grounding, I invite you to explore the second edition of Resilience.

Resilience is now available in paperback on Amazon worldwide. Just head to the Book tab in the menu for links.